VP Cheney: VP Cheney's Heart Operation a Success
June 29, 2007
Associated Presss
WASHINGTON -- On Saturday doctors at George Washington University Hospital elected not risk a less invasive procedure on U.S. Vice-President Dick Cheney, instead opting for a good ole'-fashioned stake through the heart.
Inexplicably, Cheney survived the operation to clear his clotted veins of human blood and proceeded to drain all the surgeons and attending nurses before grunting at his aides for a cold, caffeine-free Diet Sprite and some FOXNews to "chill out" to, although the recovery-cum-operating room was already set at Cheney's preferred flesh-preserving temperature of 68 degrees.
After the operation, Cheney's doctors had no comment.
Cheney, who has survived four heart attacks, quadruple bypass surgery, two artery-clearing angioplasties, an operation to implant a defibrillator, and the surgical removal of a child's humerus from his stomach, seemed in good spirits as he left the hospital under his own power four hours later.
Brushing aside reporters' questions with a characteristic "Blah!" and a flourish of his cape, Cheney turned into a fuzzy bat and flew away to an undisclosed location somewhere near Number One Observatory Circle in Washington, DC.
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